Building a New Social Circle: A Middle-Aged Adventure in Friend-Finding

The Reality of Starting Fresh

A year ago I moved from California to Washington state, from what had been my home for close to 40 years, the place where I had established a family and decades old friendships. This was not the first time I had left everything behind to start anew. In my early 20s I left the country where I grew up, Sweden, leaving behind family and childhood friends.

When I arrived in California I was invited into a new family, started school, later - working in an office and having kids. All of these automatically introduce people into our lives. People who become family, “cousins”, friends and acquaintances. They come and go as jobs change, we change soccer teams and move to new neighborhoods. It is an organic friendship cycle.

But let’s face it - making friends as an adult isn’t quite as simple as sharing your crayons in kindergarten. Moving to a new city can feel like being the new kid at school, except without the mandatory recess that forces social interaction. Add to this working from home and people being deep in their phone most of the time.

This first year, I have mostly leveraged my partners friendship circle by tagging along as the plus one. I have met some wonderful people, some that I thought were “friendship material.” Yet, here I am nowhere near the kind of community and friends I had back in San Francisco.

So, I decided to take an active approach to friend finding. I don’t have all the answers yet but just making this an active pursuit feels like a big step towards my new circle of friends. My goal for this year is to make 50 new friends. Stay tuned.

Below are some of the approaches I’m going to try out. If you have other ideas don’t hesitate to reach out and let me know. You can find me at johan@perdata.ai. Maybe it’s the beginning of a new friendship.

The Art of Friend-Finding

Leverage Your Existing Friends

Remember that friend who knows absolutely everyone? Time to ask for help. Send out those “Hey, know anyone in Bellevue?” messages. Even if it's a friend of a friend who also likes to bike, it’s a start.

Embrace Your Inner Yes Person

Channel your inner Jim Carrey and start saying “yes” to opportunities. That welding class you’ve been eyeing? Go for it. The local gym group that meets at an ungodly hour? Why not! The more you put yourself out there, the higher your chances of finding your tribe.

Use Technology for Good

Social media isn’t just for posting pictures of your lunch. Local Facebook groups, Meetup apps, and community forums can be goldmines for finding like-minded people. Just remember to actually meet in person - you can’t truly connect through text and emojis.

Shameless plug for Perdata.ai and our mission to Turn Fleeting Moments Into Meaningful Connections.

Get Out and Get Moving

Nothing breaks the ice quite like huffing and puffing through a fitness class together. Join local sports teams, running clubs, or yoga classes. This has the added benefit of actually keeping you well. Friendships are great for longevity but so is physical health.

Work Your Way to Friendships

As an employee, you’re in a prime position to connect with colleagues beyond the office. Suggest after-work activities that don’t involve spreadsheets or status updates. Sometimes the best brainstorming happens over pizza and beer.

Be the Connector

Use your personal leadership skills to organize events. Start a breakfast club, create a hiking group, start a dinner tribe or host game nights. Oftentimes you need to build the community you want to join.

Volunteer Your Time

Nothing builds connections quite like working together for a good cause. Plus, it’s harder to feel sorry for yourself about being friendless when you’re helping others.

Remember to have fun

Making friends as an adult can be awkward, occasionally uncomfortable, but is ultimately worth it. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, and remember that everyone else is probably just as eager to make connections as you are.